The Persocom Paradox
by Ikari Keiji-kun
Summary: Two teenagers are brought into the world of Persocoms. But there's a catch. Will our heroes be able to stay there forever, or will the paradox end?
1. Prologue

Yes, you heard correctly. Ikari-san (that's me!) is back to writing fanfiction, this time of Chobits. I PROMISE I'll get a new chapter of Lyoko Supercharged up within the month, as I'm sure fans of that are really disappointed with the complete lack of updates there. Anyway, here you go, a brand new fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Chobits; Clamp does. Also, I don't own Lucky Star, MAR with an umlaut on the A, or Doctor Who. Woot for record number of references achieved in one chapter!

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Chapter 1 - Prologue 

With an exasperated sigh, Kai dumped his school stuff and got changed back into his home clothes once again. "Finally the summer term is over," he said to himself. Getting a quick bite to eat, the 18-year-old computer nerd took his usual trip up to his attic, where all his computer and video gaming equipment was, since the house home to him and his parents, despite being bigger than your average home, was too small for it all to go anywhere else.

Booting up his computers intending to continue working on his latest programming project, he greeted his hand-sized figurine of Konata from Lucky Star as he usually did. "I just wish you could talk to me Kona-chan, since nobody I know outside of the internet has ever wanted to," he said, thinking futilely, but certainly not realizing his wish was about to come true.

"Good afternoon, Kai," she said, causing Kai to freeze up and almost fall backwards off of his rotating office chair.

"Am I dreaming or did I just hear an inanimate object speak?" he said to himself out loud.

"No Kai, and I am glad to finally hear you after waiting so long."

"What?? Okay, I absolutely must be dreaming. This kind of thing just does not happen."

"What doesn't happen? Persocoms talking?"

Kai sat still for a few seconds. "You're... a persocom?"

"Yes, and I have been waiting for you to hear my voice. It seems the worlds have connected at last."

"The worlds have connected...? What is this, something out of MAR or what?" (A/N: umlaut should be above "A", but I believe FF dot net won't allow it - it also doesn't seem to allow itself...)

"Are you going to step outside today?"

"Why would I go outside? Everyone knows as well as I do that I probably won't leave the house one bit this summer."

"Then at least look out of the window."

Kai did as suggested, and looked out of his roof window. To his amazement, the familiar scene of a tree-covered hill in front of the electronics warehouse behind his home was gone. Instead, he found himself looking down at some street in the middle of Tokyo, on which many people and persocoms alike were walking.

"I rented this top-story flat with loft space just for you, to make the transition seamless," Konata said, "I'm afraid you're going to have to pay for it from now on, though..."

"What?? I have to pay rent now? Whatever happened to student loaning my way all through university for the next three years?" (A/N: In the UK, university students have access to something called a student loan, which comes without interest and you pay it off through what seems like tax from your income; thus it can be unnecessary to work throughout one's uni life)

"I'm sorry, but it was the best I could do. You do want to find her as soon as possible, don't you?"

"Her... you couldn't possibly mean..." Kai shuddered, realizing that his strangely-acquired new persocom must have been talking about his girlfriend who sadly lived a whole ocean away in the US. "Ali?"

"Yes, she has arrived here too, but where in Japan she came to I have no idea."

"So you mean my biggest wishes ever will come true? I get to finally be together with Ali, I get to live in Japan, AND I get to have a persocom AND it's in the form of the hottest anime character ever???" Kai still could hardly believe it, but he managed to realize that his insanely bad luck had finally come to an end and he had finally been given what he had waited for for so long.

"I'm sorry, but that isn't the case..."

"WHAT?" His previously growing smile was now turning to a more shocked and depressed expression.

"It's true that you get to be in Japan and have a persocom, but you were only brought here through a paradox. As soon as you become together with your loved one, the paradox will revert back on itself and you'll both end up back in the UK... and persocoms will not exist to you any longer."

"Are you sure? Is that really the only way?"

"Yes, unless you can force the paradox to persist."

"How can I do something like that?"

"The only way is to rewrite your past into something suiting this world rather than yours."

"For example?"

"I don't know. I'm not an expert on that kind of thing. You'd probably have to ask the Doctor that."

"Ha ha, very funny, but unless you're going to make yet another paradox, he only exists on TV, and everyone knows that."

Konata just responded with a brief smile. "I'm sure you'll find a way, if you're determined to do so. That is your strength, after all."

"It sure is," Kai smiled also. This was going to be a good summer holiday.

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So, what do you make of it? Am I suited to the Chobits series? Reviews reviews! And next chapter soon:) 


	2. Disruption

Yay, next chapter is here. I initially had a bit of a problem with this one, but I sussed out the storyline eventually!

Disclaimer: You think I could buy Chobits in a day? No, so I still don't own it!

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Chapter 2 - Disruption 

"Hmm... no job, no money... sigh..." Kai said to himself as he thought about how he was even going to _survive_ at the present time. "Gotta get myself a job!" He looked out the window again. "Oh yeah... I'm in Japan... how can I do anything here when I know hardly any Japanese other than random words and phrases that nobody would actually use in real life? I'm so unprepared for this!!"

"Well, I can translate for you in the meantime," suggested Konata.

"That doesn't exactly help me get a job, though."

"Perhaps you could be an English teacher?"

Kai stood still with a freaked out expression on his face. "Does that look like the kind of job I'd have any interest in whatsoever? Anyway, even English teachers have to know a decent amount of the language of the country they're teaching in."

"Do you have any other plans then?"

"There's nothing that I can do here!"

"Have you looked downstairs?"

_Downstairs? Oh yeah, that's right... only this loft space is the same..._ Kai thought to himself. "Okay, I'll have a look," he said, climbing down the ladder. "So what's special about this downstairs? It just looks like any ordinary flat." He was now getting annoyed at this, and walked over to the door, opening it.

A startled figure jumped away from the other side of the door to avoid getting crushed from it (as you do). "Chi?" she said, then exclaimed something in Japanese and ran off.

"Oi, matte yo!" (Hey, wait up!) Kai used some of the little Japanese he knew to try and hold back the legendary persocom he'd seen in anime before, but she was already out of sight. He sighed and asked Konata what Chi said.

"She said, 'confirmed'. That was all..."

"Confirmed?" _Maybe she was only here to check that I've arrived in this world,_ Kai thought. He sighed and decided to take a look around, turning off his computers simply at the fusebox for lack of any motivation to go back to the loft again. Wondering where he could possibly be, he simply walked down the corridor with Konata on his shoulder, took the stairs down to the bottom of the building and left through the front door.

"Lot of people around, huh," Kai mumbled to himself. He was feeling quite bad by now. Yes, he wanted this all to happen, but it was just really bad timing. He walked aimlessly down the road, but was suddenly interrupted by a huge explosion coming from a side street. He was blown over to the opposite side of the road, landing on his butt, noticing that he wasn't the only one to have done so.

"Hideki!!" He said the name of another person he recognized.

Hideki stared at him for a few seconds, then said something in Japanese.

"Konata, you can start translating for me now. What did he just say?"

"Do you know me?"

"Uhh, yes, I've seen you in anime before in my world, then some freaky paradox occurred and brought me here. Think you could help me? I have no idea how to get on here."

Konata translated for him of course.

"Sorry, I'm busy right now. Maybe we could talk later?" Hideki ran off towards where the explosion occurred. Having nothing better to do, Kai followed him.

"Thanks for translating that Konata. You know, one day when things have settled down somewhat, I must make your personality more like the real Kona-chan."

Kai kept up his running after Hideki until the two arrived at a large building outside which Chi was standing, looking through the locked glass door.

"Chi lost sight of him..." Chi said, disappointedly. "Ran inside and locked door."

"Him?" Kai asked.

"Oh, you followed me?" Hideki said. (A/N: No point keeping talking about Konata all the time, just assume she's translating if necessary from now on)

"Yeah, I have literally nothing to do, and I wanted to know what was going on."

"Honestly I've got no clue myself. Chi had to do something important again."

"Like bringing me here?"

Chi turned round and pointed at Konata. "Chi. First mission accomplished." She turned back to the door and looked disappointed again. "Second mission not accomplished."

Kai pondered at this for a few seconds, and then it occurred to him. "You mean Ali's not here??" he half said, half shouted.

"It would explain why I don't know of her location," Konata said. "The Persocom that would be used to bring her, as I have with you, is currently inside that building."

"Then why don't we just smash the door in?" Kai said. "Cliché says that whoever went inside that building to do something with the other persocom is some evil madman that we have to defeat!"

Hideki stared at him with a sweatdrop on his face. Chi, however, turned round and asked what a "cliché" was. Kai and Hideki merely sighed, and then Kai continued.

"Well, I'm going in." He took a step back, and kicked the door as hard as he could in an attempt to break it, which it did. "That... was stupidly easy. Come on, let's go nail that guy."

"Chi!" Chi nodded, and the three ran into the building. "Chi knows where man is, so follow Chi!"

They ran up several flights of stairs, then across a main corridor, into a smaller corridor, and finally arrived at another locked door, this time with a small window in it rather than the whole door being made of glass. Inside, they could see a tall middle-aged man, and a persocom in the shape of a girl about nine or ten years old, held to the wall by several metal restraints, and connected to a computer terminal. She was screaming to get away from there. It was evident from the computer display that the man was trying to hack his way over the many security layers in the persocom in order to get access to her most important files.

"Want me to try and break this door too? I'm not sure if I can, since it looks stronger." Kai said.

"Go for it," Hideki said.

Kai jumped at the door, but succeeded only in making a loud noise which was heard by the man inside the room. He stopped what he was doing and faced the door. Muttering something to himself, he walked over to the door, pulling out a gun from his pocket, opened the door and dragged Chi inside the room, closing and locking the door again afterwards.

"Well, looks like you showed up after all," the man said holding his gun to Chi. "You wanna save someone then just go ahead and try."

"What are you doing?" Chi asked, albeit knowing the man was dangerous.

"Same thing I'm about to do to you! Rewriting her entire system!"

Chi tilted her head and smiled; she had an idea. "Go ahead and try," she imitated.

"See," the man said turning to the younger-looking persocom, "Someone here, unlike you, has realized that persocoms are made for this kind of thing. At least you haven't got much protection left now, so you can stop your whining!"

He connected Chi up to his computer as well, and started a second instance of his security hacking program. Chi simply closed her eyes, still smiling.

The man watched the countdown of the last ten seconds to go before the first persocom would be rewritten. He even read the countdown aloud. And just as expected, the first persocom suddenly stopped struggling at the end of the countdown.

But not as he expected, the persocom was not shut down. Clenching her fists and shattering the metal restraints and even part of the computer into pieces in a flash of light, she broke free from the wall and gave a few powerful kicks and punches to her captor, knocking his gun aside instantly. The duo outside were taken aback by this – a nine-year-old-looking persocom suddenly being so strong?

Chi disconnected herself from the computer too, walking over to the scene. "Chi knows this one is evil because Chi was sent on this mission! So, small persocom is good!"

Suddenly, a loud explosion was heard from the computer, which burst into flames. "We've gotta get out of here," the other persocom said, running for the door and opening it.

"Chi!" Chi also ran out of the room. "Come on!!" she said to Hideki and Kai, snapping them out of their daze and back into reality.

"Right," the two nodded in agreement, running also. They ran all the way back where they had came, leaving the building safely, only to meet several police officers outside.

"What's going on here?" Kai asked himself out loud.

Chi stepped forwards, speaking to the officers. "Suspect still inside with fire," she said. "Victim safe," she pointed to the other persocom. "Also Hideki and an English speaker. They followed Chi."

"I have a name you know!" Kai shouted, a little annoyed. "It's Kai!"

"Alright, Saki, you come back with us," one of the officers, presumably in charge, said to the previously unidentified persocom. She nodded and followed another officer who led her into one of the police cars. "You four can go home," the officer gestured to Chi, Hideki, Kai and Konata. "Chi, get a report done for the end of the week." He radioed for some fire service and spoke some details to the officer standing next to him, then got into the same car as mentioned before and drove off.

Kai was looking down and shaking his head by this point. "What a way to start the summer holidays..." He suddenly remembered that he'd been told to go home a minute ago. "Hey, Hideki, mind if I come with you for a bit? Can you tell me what all this is about?"

"Uhh, sure, we'll go back to my place," he replied. "It's only a short walk from here. I don't know much more than you do about this, though."

The four arrived at the entrance to Gub Jogasaki, the apartment where Hideki currently lived, just in time to see Shinbo (A/N: I can't remember if he still lives here by the end of the anime or not. So if he doesn't, let's just say he does now by a plot hole, k?), complete with a shoulder-bound Sumomo, running towards them at an incredible speed. "Hideki!!" he shouted, "You've gotta get out of here! There are bombs around!"

"Bombs?" Hideki questioned, to be answered only by the entire second floor's windows lighting up before shattering outwards as they were engulfed in several loud explosions. Hideki lowered his head. "Oh well, not like I had any important or expensive stuff in there."

"Come on, let's go over to Minoru's place for now," Shinbo suggested, panting from his sprint and unable to think of any other ideas.

"I still want to know why Chi's in some kind of non-secret secret service," Kai said.

"You're wrong, it's not really a secret service," Hideki said. "She works for Okakin Technologies (A/N: Name picked at random, courtesy of rinkworks' generator. It could have a meaning or be an existing company name for all I know) as a sort of intern, and gets called in for all sorts of jobs like what she was doing today."

"Okakin? I thought she worked in a bakery."

"She used to, but after seeing their HQ through a train window, she was absolutely fixated on working there. I don't know why – maybe it's because she's ultimately a very advanced piece of technology herself – but she wouldn't let me go until I let her work there. So I did. I asked Minoru about it as well, and he said it's the biggest metaphysical technology and research organization in the world."

Kai pondered over this for half a minute, then finally realized something. "Does that mean I'm here because of them?"

"Chi!" Chi answered his question instead. "Kai is first test subject for Okakin's paradox research. Mizuki assistant for Kai!"

"Mizuki?"

"Mizuki." Chi pointed to the persocom sitting on Kai's shoulder.

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Well, another chapter done. I actually wrote this while otherwise bored. I love being a fanfic author again... 

Anyway, reviews please! I need to know if I'm good at this!


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